Beauty in Pain

Yesterday may have been one of the heaviest and most difficult training days of my life. I recently increased my working weight on my squats, and after working to a max snatch and max clean & jerk, I was not super excited about 4x3 squats at 90% (which was my old 95%) followed by heavy pulls at 110%. I hit a 3RM PR, then had to do it three more times. To be honest, my body was starting to fail me. Before each set, I had to recite Psalm 73:26 in my head over and over again- "my flesh and my heart may fail, but the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." This helped me remember that my body has limits, and will eventually fail me, but the Lord is limitless and will never fail me. What also drove me was knowing that there is beauty in pain- often, the more severe the pain, the more severe the beauty. Let me explain.

I have to be honest, heavy back squats are not exactly my favorite. In fact, neither are light ones. I constantly find myself asking the question, "Why are you doing this?" Why do I undergo the sore knees? Why do I go through the moments where I want to puke? Why do I endure all of the pain that comes with going under the bar? The answer is simple- hope. Hope that going heavy makes me stronger. Hope that doing one extra rep will help me lift more in the future. Hope that the reward will bring me joy. What makes the pain worth enduring is the hope, and the knowledge that in the midst of the pain there is beauty. It's a beautiful thing that I can move, that I can squat, that I can persevere, that I can endure. It hurts, and it's not fun in the moment, but lifting our eyes allows us to see with perspective.

Life is full of these painful moments. We've all been there- losing a loved one, going through a break up, having to hear some news that is difficult to swallow. These moments bring us to our knees, fill our eyes with tears, and stab our hearts with pain. Our head swims with questions: Why? What is God doing? How could this happen? But what helps us endure is hope. Hope that our God is good, that He is for us and always has our best interests at heart, and that His love for us is deep and unending. Hope that our pain will sanctify us, and make us more like Christ. Hope that one day, "every tear will be wiped away" (Rev 21:4). One the most raw, grief-stricken, and beautiful passages of scripture lays out for us both the depths of pain and the heights of God's love-

"I am the man who has seen affliction, 

under the rod of his wrath; 

he has driven and brought me

into darkness without any light; 

surely against me he turns his hand

again and again the whole day long.

He has made my flesh and my skin waste away;

he has broken my bones; 

he has besieged and enveloped me

with bitterness and tribulation;

he has made me dwell in darkness

like the dead of long ago.

He has walled me about so that I cannot escape;

he has made my chains heavy;

though I call and cry for help,

he shuts out my prayer;

he has blocked my ways with blocks of stones;

he has made my paths crooked.

He is a bear lying in wait for me,

a lion in hiding;

he turned aside my steps and tore me to pieces;

he has made me desolate;

he bent his bow and set me

as a target for his arrow.

He drove into my kidneys

the arrows of his quiver;

I have become the laughingstock of all peoples,

the object of their taunts all day long.

He has filled me with bitterness;

he has sated me with wormwood.

He has made my teeth grind on gravel,

and made me cower in ashes;

my soul is bereft of peace;

I have forgotten what happiness is;

so I say, 'My endurance has perished;

So has my hope from the Lord.'

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,

the wormwood and the gall!

My soul continually remembers it

and is bowed down within me.

But this I call to mind, 

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,

'therefore I will hope in Him."

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man that he bear

the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence

when it is laid on him;

let him put his mouth in the dust-

there may yet be hope;

let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,

and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not

cast off forever,

but, though he caused grief, he will have compassion

according to the abundance of His steadfast love;

for he does not afflict from his heart

or grieve the children of men."

-Lamentations 3:1-33

There is coming a day when all pain comes to an end, when every problem is solved, when every tear is wiped away. Until that day, we endure the troubles of this world in hope that one day Christ will make all things new. Until he does, we are to seek beauty in the midst of pain- that despite our hurting hearts we can still love,  and that the pain is a reminder to us that all is not as it should be, but that our King will sustain us, bring joy to our hearts, and bear our burdens.

Blessings.