Bittersweet

"Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy."
        -Shauna Niequist

The day that would never come finally came. For several months now, I have been praying and evaluating what my next move in life would be: would I stay in Houston or move? Would I do what I love (strength&conditioning) or get a regular 9-5 job? Would I go to grad school or not? The Lord made it abundantly clear to me that where He had me next was up in Dallas working at Crossfit White Rock. I have been really excited about it, and to be honest it has been somewhat of a struggle to finish strong here in Houston. But when it finally came to my last day, I was met with emotions far different than I expected.

As I walked out of the Elmer Redd Strength and Conditioning Center for the last time, I became overwhelmed with emotion. To be honest I almost started crying, which was totally unexpected. It's hard to put into words what that place has meant to me over the last year. I came in as a kid who thought he knew everything, and left as a man (haha, just kidding) who realized that I will never even scratch the surface of knowing everything. This is the place where I learned to be not just an instructor, but a coach. This is where I learned to snatch, clean & jerk, and squat. This is where I met some of my closest friends, and many athletes that I deeply respect, not just for their athletic abilities but for their character. This is where I experienced a lot of pain, and a lot more joy. I struggled here, I succeeded here, I got angry here, I laughed a lot here, I let my pride get in the way here, I was humbled here time and time again, I suffered from depression here, and a million times over I experienced joy here. And most importantly, Christ used every hardship and every success I experienced here to mold me more into His likeness.

It is bitter thinking that tomorrow morning, all of that stays behind me as I journey northward. But it is sweet indeed knowing that not only does the Lord has a plan, but that ultimately His plan is for my good and His glory. I know in Dallas, rich community awaits me. I know that new struggles, hardships, and persecutions await me. I know that I will laugh again, cry again, and certainly laugh until I cry. The Lord is good- He blesses me far more than I deserve in so many ways. Though nervous, I am excited to walk (by faith) with Him into this next chapter of life. Just as in weightlifting, all you can do is trust and dive under the bar.

Blessings

Trust

Trust. It's what you must do when diving under a bar. When that 200# bar is sitting at my hip, and all I have is a short dip and pop to get as much lift on it as possible, I have to trust that I will be fast enough to dive under it and catch it. There can't be any hesitation, any fear, any doubt that I won't be able to. If any of those creeps in, even for a split second, it can be the difference between a missed and made lift.

Trust is something I have been learning about in one way or another for the past six years. When I look back over my life, I see how time and time again I have worried about things I had no control over, and how the Lord has continually provided for me. Many times He provided in ways that I didn't foresee, but His ways have always been for my good and His glory. Let me recount the ways:

My senior year of High School, I had applied to only two schools- Texas Tech, and Texas A&M. I was auto entry to tech, but waiting to hear back from A&M. I got in, though I'm not really sure how. I had almost zero extra-curriculars, and my grades were above average, but not great by any means. Looking back, I can see how the Lord got me in because that is where He knew that I would grow the most in Him.

Next I had to find a roommate. I didn't want to potluck with some rando, and all of my friends already had living situations. Somehow, I got connected through a mutual friend with a guy I had never met, and we decided to live together. Five years later, 4 of which spent living together, he is my best friend. The Lord provided.

College can be intimidating, having to make a whole new group of friends. In the most obscure way ever, the Lord pieced together a group of 9 guys who all love and seek after Him, and after living in one house (and one room) together for 3 years, I now have a group of not just friends, but brothers. The Lord provided. BR

Time and time again, I was certain I was going to fail a class, but He helped me get through and earn my degree. The Lord provided.

I was a YoungLife leader in college, and there were many instances where I had to trust in the Lord to provide. One specific instance stands out in my mind. We had 19 kids signed up for camp, and that cost $750 per kid. Thats $14,250 that our YoungLife team owed. We fundraised most of it, but with about a month left we still owed $8,000. I remember one day literally getting on my knees in my kitchen and begging the Lord to provide. There was no way that a group of 8 college kids could raise that kind of money in one month. The next day, we received three checks- one for $7,500, one for $300, and one for $200. The Lord provided.

Before I could graduate college, I had to complete an internship. I got shot down at several places that I thought would be best for me, but eventually ended up landing an internship at the University of Houston. A year later, it has been one of the most joyful, amazing experiences of my life. The experiences I have had, and the people I have met and shared life with are something I treasure dearly. The Lord provided.

A week before I graduated college, I was still jobless and homeless. I vividly remember praying that the Lord would provide a way for me to stay at UH. The next day, I got a call from the athletic director wanting to interview me. Several hours later, I was employed. The Lord provided.

All of my buddies from college were living in separate cities, and now I was in a big city (Houston) with no brothers. I remember praying that the Lord would send me just one friend, and he provided in a big way. I met my training partner, my friend, and my brother in Steve. He and his wife have been a continued source of joy and comfort in my life, in a time where those two things were oftentimes hard to come by. The Lord provided.

With my contract with UH coming to a close, it was again time to find another job. After much searching, I ended up getting connected with a crossfit box in Dallas. The box is located a block from where four of my bros from college live. My natural response is to worry, to doubt. Why Dallas? Why crossfit? After looking back at my last six years though, I can't help but to trust that He has a plan, and that his plan is for my good and His glory. I'm sure that a year from now, I'll understand why. The Lord provides.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5

Trust in Him. Dive under the bar of life

Iron Sharpens Iron

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17

Recently, I've been lucky enough to get to train with some partners. This may not seem like a big deal, but considering the fact that I have been partnerless for the past 3 months, it is huge to me. Training alone can be frustrating. It's not as fun, it's a lot harder to to stick to a program, and you end up not pushing yourself as much. For example, in the bottom video (snatches from blocks), if I would have been going on my own, I probably would have stayed at 155#. Instead, because I had some partners there who encouraged me to go up, I ended up hitting an unexpected PR.

I am a firm believer in the concept of iron sharpening iron. This applies to many realms of life. With weightlifting/crossfit, it is evident in the fact that your WOD times are almost always lower when you have a group or a partner with you. It's easy to give in to the voice in your head whispering "stop", but it becomes a lot harder when you have someone there next to you going through the same pain and suffering as you. You need that accountability, you need that person there forcing you to go back to the bar even when you think there is no way you can pick it up one more time. It's what makes you better, stronger, sharper. The concept doesn't just stop with training partners though.

Life was not meant to be gone through alone. In college, I lived in a house with 8 other guys who were all pursuing Christ and striving to discover what it looked like to follow him. Because of this, we were constantly encouraging, challenging, exhorting, and therefore sharpening one another. After graduating, I moved to Houston and have been living alone ever since, which is the opposite end of the spectrum. It has been much different, and much harder. Without being surrounded by iron, I started to become dull in my affections for Christ. Thankfully, the Lord put a couple of close guy friends in Houston that have continued to sharpen me as a man of Christ.

Find a partner who will sharpen you. Sharpen someone else. Go under the bar.

Smolov Results

Finished Smolov- the hardest 3 weeks of my life. My legs were crushed, my back was crushed, my mind was crushed. And then I reloaded, and an amazing thing happened. You know that supercompensation idea.... yeah, well, it works. Here's a little video evidence:

Now remember, exactly one month ago I tested at 309#. 385-309= 76#. Yes, you read that right. A 76 pound PR in just one month. No steroids. No PEDs. Just good ol' blood, sweat, and tears. In all honesty, here is why I got the results I did.

My good buddy, training partner, and mentor of sorts Steve is the one who encouraged me to do Smolov in the first place. He gave me some very strict parameters though, and I followed them to a T.

1) You can only serve one master: if you want to get the most out of this program, you have to be singularly focused. That means squatting only. No olympic lifts. No lower body accessory work. Honestly, outside of a few pull ups and dumbbell bench sets, I didn't even do any upper body.

2) Use a conservative working max: if you don't, you will get crushed. Trust me

3) No belt, no wraps: I tested raw, I did every rep of every set of every day for the three week cycle raw. As a result, my back is the strongest it has ever been. So is everything else, really.

4) Eating: eat A LOT. "A LOT" really doesn't describe it. Eat like you are a grizzly bear who just got out of hibernation. Eat until you are about to throw up, then give it the shimmy shakedown and eat some more. What this looked like for me is about 6-7,000 calories a day. Shake (1,300 cals) in the morning, bars every couple of hours, big lunch, two big dinners. Then sometimes another shake. You gotta understand that your body will grow if you give it a reason to. Feed the wolf.

5) Recovery: I took this very seriously. Sleep at least 8 hours. Your body will thank you. Take naps. I did 25 minutes worth of contrast bath after every squat session. SMR like your life depends on it (which it might, honestly). I also had access to some stem, courtesy of Steve, and maybe it was mental but I felt like it helped.

The crazy thing about squatting is that it doesn't just make your squat stronger. The legs feed the wolf. What do I mean? Well, if you'll remember, I didn't snatch or clean & jerk for a whole month. After testing my squat, I was feeling good and decided to work up to some heavy singles. Here are the results:

 Thats a 13 pound PR on my snatch, and a 24 pound PR on my clean and jerk. If you go watch the video from "stuck in the hole" you'll see me get under 250 and not be able to stand it back up. I caught 265, paused, stood up, then put up 24 pounds more than has ever been over my head. What that shows me is that the legs drive everything. If the legs get stronger, the body gets stronger.

The legs feed the wolf, so feed the wolf. And get under the bar.

Perseverance

First of all, let me say how cool it is when a little chick rips 300# off the ground. Not many much larger males could do this, so it is quite impressive. All you other gals out there- step ya game up!

What the video doesn't show is her first attempt at  300#... she pulled, she yanked, and the bar didn't budge. It would have been easy for her to just call it a day at 275#, to say "oh well, maybe next time." But she didn't. No, she came back five minutes later and made that bar her bee-yotch. Sometimes, a little perseverance is all it takes.

Life will weed out those who don't persevere. Nothing worth having comes without a fight. That may be a 2.5 bodyweight deadlift, a job you really want, or a marriage. If it's something you love, and something you want, then it most certainly is something that you will have to fight for. You can't give up when the (metaphorical) bar doesn't move. You cant stop when that thing clears your knees. You gotta keep yankin' till it's at the hips. What kind of man will you be when things don't come easy? What kind of man will you be when things don't go your way? Will you fold, or will you persevere? These are important questions that you have to answer for yourself. Sometimes, these are questions that life throws at you when you least expect it.

Keep yankin' on that bar. Don't give up- persevere.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4

Coping with Failure

Lately my olympic lifting has seemed to provide many parallels to my life. I was certain that this was the day that I would finally conquer 100kgs. As you can see from the video, this simply did not happen. In fact, I stood up exactly zero out of my 17 attempts. Failure. I was interviewed for a position in Beijing, and was just about set on moving, but things fell through. Failure. I then had an interview with Stanford University for a graduate assistant position in their strength and conditioning department. I made the final 10, but was cut and they offered the positions to two other folks. Failure. Sometimes, it seems like no matter how hard you try to make things work, the world just doesn't want to throw you a bone.

How we handle failure speaks volumes of who we are as people. When you don't perform as well as you anticipate, or when things don't go your way, you have two choices- get down on yourself, or get better and move on.

I will hit that 100 kg snatch. It's a done deal. It's just a matter of time. Until I do, I will keep my eyes focused on the goal, and take the necessary steps to achieve it.

I will find a GA position, and even if I don't, I trust that the Lord holds me, He has a plan for me, and His plan is for my good and his glory.

It would be easy to fold, to feel sorry for myself, to give up. But what kind of a man would I be if I did that. No, I will keep going under the bar until I crush 100 kg. I will keep applying around until someone calls me back, and I will keep seeking the Lord first and trusting that He will bring something or satisfy me in Himself if he doesn't.

Keep getting under the bars of life, friends.

Blessings

Consistency

In order to be good at anything, there is a level of commitment and consistency that is required of you. This can be seen in many avenues of life. For example, in order to get good at snatching, you must consistently snatch. In order to be great at snatching, you must consistently snatch with a consistent movement pattern. Your approach must be consistent; your setup must be consistent; your first and second pulls must be consistent; you must hit off the hips in a consistent location; your feet must consistently jump out to the same place; you must catch the bar at a consistent height. If any one of these things are not consistent, then under a maximal load you will falter, because a specific motor pattern has not been established. Getting stronger/more powerful also requires you to consistently show up and push yourself. It is easy to do one of those things- much harder to do both. I know plenty of people who show up every day to lift, but don't truly push themselves. I know others that are great at really stepping up to a challenge, but don't see gains because they only show up once a week. Consistency, when lacking, can be detrimental to an individual's performance.

I find that as a coach, it is important to be consistent with your athletes. If you have an athlete do an exercise, expect them to do it the same way (the right way) every time. Don't compromise on this, for compromise is a slippery slope. I also want to be consistent in the way I treat athletes, that is to be motivating and challenging while still respecting them and caring for them as a person. This is especially important in the collegiate and high school realms, where athletes have unlimited stimulus coupled with extremely limited attention capacity. On any given day, my athletes may have tests, papers, projects, girlfriend/boyfriend problems, family problems, a tough practice, work, class, roomate issues, financial issues, ect. ect. When they walk in the weight room, a million different people and things are dividing their hearts and attention. I want them to know that every time they come in contact with me, they are going to get the same thing- respect and love. They cannot afford for me to be inconsistent- to let my mood, my life, my problems affect them. I strive to view them not just as athletes, but as people who have a soul. When I realize this, and when I consistently treat them with this in mind, it helps free them up to be able to perform a given task, and ultimately to perform better during competition.

What should be sought after above all is spiritual consistency. This can become tricky though. Oftentimes what happens is we evaluate our spiritual lives based upon exterior evidences. For example, if I spend a lot of time in the word or praying, then I am tempted to think that I am doing good with the Lord. This runs contrary to the gospel message though- that Christ covered over my sins by going upon the cross, and that the wrath that should have been directed toward me was instead unleashed upon him, and that all of this was done "not because of works done by me in righteousness, but according to his own mercy..." ( Titus 3:5). No matter how bad I think I am, Christ has payed for that in full. On the other hand, no matter how good I think I am, "all my righteous acts are like filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6). He loves me not because of what I do or have to offer Him, but because He is good and merciful. What I am getting at is that consistency in a spiritual sense is not what makes us righteous, but rather is a vessel by which we can meet with the Lord, come to see who He is more clearly, and have our lives changed accordingly by His Spirit. When we consistently open our lives to Him, he fills us in ways that are inexplicable, and our lives begin to be an outpouring of the overflowing love He has filled us with. Just remember that discipline does not bring about love- rather Love brings about discipline.

Strive to be consistent in all areas of life. Get under the bar consistently. Treat people in a consistent manner. Consistently open your heart to the maker of all things.

Blessings